What I Didn't Say Page 18

  My phone suddenly vibrated, saying I had a text. Grabbing it, I opened it to find a message from Carter.

  We’re playing ball at the old gym tonight if you feel up to it, it read.

  Something suddenly stirred in my brain then, something from the very beginning of the school year.

  Scrolling up through my previous messages from Carter, I found what I was looking for. A video message Carter, sent from the night of the homecoming game.

  “Oh Samantha!” my voice suddenly rang out. Sam’s head whipped up, her eyes wide. Glancing from my face to the phone, she watched as my drunken self sang out my undying love.

  I looked like a freaking idiot, but every word I said was true.

  “Jake. You said my name,” she said, her voice hazy sounding as she looked down into my eyes. Very gradually, as if in slow motion, she dipped her head until our lips touched.

  It felt like finally breathing again after holding your breath for a full week.

  “When was this?” she asked, her face still surprised and filled with awe.

  Grabbing my notebook again I wrote, The night of my accident.

  “What?” she said, her face filling with pain.

  I nodded. There’s something I never told you before about that night.

  I looked up to see her reaction when she read my words. She looked at me, her face unsure. Something knotted in my chest. I’d tried telling her once before, but she hadn’t let me.

  I was drunk that night, I wrote. But I meant what I said in that stupid song. Carter and Rain were taking me to your old house when we got into that accident. I was coming to tell you that I love you.

  I looked up into her face. Sam’s lower lip was trembling, her eyes filling with tears. She clasped a hand over her mouth to hold in a sob, but it made its way out anyway.

  Sam lay back on my chest and I just held her as she sobbed.

  “I didn’t know,” she said, her voice shaking.

  I know.

  Slowly her cries quieted and we just lay there quiet and still. I traced my fingers up and down her boney back, feeling her slowly relax into me.

  “Can I stay here tonight?”

  Of course. I squeezed her tighter and pulled the blanket over the both of us.

  6 weeks ‘til Sam’s birthday

  I felt something tickle my cheek, my skin twitching. When something brushed it again, I slowly let my eyes slide open.

  Sam was propped up on one elbow, looking down at me, our noses only about eight inches apart. It was her hair that had been brushing against my face.

  Good morning.

  “Hi,” she breathed. The Jake smile spread on her lips. I hadn’t felt as good as I did then in more than a week when I couldn’t help but smile too.

  “So,” she said, her voice suddenly uncertain. “Are we… okay?”

  To answer her, I placed my hand on the back of her neck and lifted my head from my pillow. Ever so gently, I let my lips meet hers, barely touching at first. I faintly detected coconut.

  I love you. Always.

  Sam backed away just a bit, her eyes meeting mine. They had their glow back. “I’d probably better get going before your parents wake up. Come over around lunch?”

  My stomach instantly sank when she said she was leaving. But she was right. We couldn’t get caught again.

  What about your dad? I wrote in the notebook from the nightstand.

  The glow in Sam’s eyes instantly died. “It’s pretty early. I doubt anyone will see me and I don’t think he knows where I am yet. We’ll talk about it later, ‘k?”

  Reluctantly, I nodded.

  “Bye,” she said, the Jake smile reappearing as she shifted forward for a lingering good-bye kiss. I waved to her as she crawled out my window.

  My bedroom door opened the instant the window closed, and in walked Jordan. I hoped I didn’t look as guilty as I felt.

  Jordan gave me this look, like she knew something was up. “Why does it smell like Samantha in here?”

  Busted.

  Lying, I just gave a shrug. What do you want? I wrote.

  “Mom’s just about got breakfast done,” she said, still eying me suspiciously.

  Without waiting for her to figure things out, I hopped out of bed and walked past her to the kitchen.

  I had a feeling things were about to get very complicated.

  6 weeks ‘til Sam’s birthday

  Sam decided there was no way that she could go to school until we figured out how to get rid of Mike. And we weren’t sure how to do that yet. She also wasn’t going to be able to go into town anymore without someone spotting her. It wasn’t going to take long before everyone on the island knew Sam was living on her own.

  They would all think they were being helpful, tracking Sam down so she could be reunited with her only living parent. But sometimes things aren’t as story-book happy as they seem.

  This also meant that Sam couldn’t come over to my house anymore. It wouldn’t be long before my parents found out about everything too.

  I was going to become a lying fool.

  One of the most frustrating things about it all was how close we were to Sam’s birthday. There was less than six weeks left, only forty-one days.

  Surprisingly, nothing happened until Monday, when school started back up from the weekend. I was dreading going to school without Sam, but I dreaded her being taken away even more.

  “So,” Carter said as us and Rain walked to our lockers that morning. “You and Samantha made up yet?”

  Crap. I hadn’t thought about that part yet. Everyone at school thought we were still broken up.

  Which provided a perfect opportunity.

  Nope, I wrote in a notebook. Haven’t talked to her since last week.

  Lie number one.

  “Have I told you yet that you’re an idiot,” Rain said, shaking his head.

  You have, I wrote impatiently.

  “Just sayin’,” he said as the bell rang and the three of us headed toward different classes.

  I couldn’t seem to keep my left leg from bouncing up and down like I’d had too much coffee as I went through my classes. Mr. Roy glanced in my direction when he called Sam’s name for roll and she didn’t answer. But it wasn’t more than a glance. Thankfully we didn’t get checked on too often for ASL, and Mrs. Morrison didn’t make a big deal out of it that Sam wasn’t there for our next class.

  It was a little harder getting Sam’s homework for her though without looking suspicious. Especially for those classes that I didn’t have with her. It didn’t help my story that we were broken up. I ended up having to con other students that were in Sam’s classes into getting the work for me.

  I was a freaking nervous wreck by the end of the day.

  How were we going to keep this up until Sam’s eighteenth birthday? Suddenly forty-one days felt like an eternity.

  I knocked on the door to the motorhome five times to let Sam know it was me. She still looked edgy as she opened the door.

  “So, how’d it go today?” she asked, her eyes scanning the trees behind me. She looked totally freaked out. “Any problems?”

  None, I wrote in our notebook. No one even seemed to notice you were gone. Got all your homework though.

  “Thank you!” she said gleefully, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me. “I’ve been so stressed out about all of this.”

  People still think we’re broken up, I wrote when she released me. Should make it easier to cover for you. I could just say that we had a fight last week and I don’t know where you are.

  “Perfect,” she said with a forced smile. She really was freaking out.

  We sat and did homework for about an hour, ended up making out for about a half hour, and then I had to go home. Being there long was dangerous considering to everyone around us we were supposed to be broken up. Risking being gone after school would look suspicious.

  Nothing seemed too different the next day at school either. Most of the teachers seemed surpri
sed Sam wasn’t in school, it was odd behavior for her, but it just seemed like normal concern, not suspicion. Again I got Sam’s homework and took it to her.

  But by Wednesday I heard whispers in the hall.

  “They said her mom died over the summer.”

  “She’s been living on her own all year.”

  “I heard she’s homeless.”

  “No wonder she looks so shabby. Crap, I feel bad for saying anything about her.”

  “Why’s she been hiding all this?”

  Now the school was talking.

  Stopping at my locker, I put some of my book in, taking other’s out. I cringed when I saw Rain and Carter walking up to me.

  Here come more lies.

  “Dude,” Rain said, his eyes wide. “Is Samantha really homeless? Her mom died?”

  I didn’t say anything, just pretended to be digging through my locker.

  “You knew?” Carter said, his voice accusing sounding. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Don’t go there, man.

  “Everyone’s looking for her, Jake,” Rain said, his voice lowered. “Her dad’s on the island. He needs to take her with him, they’re saying. The cops have been at the school all morning questioning teachers. They’re going to come looking for you.”

  Oh crap.

  “Where is she?” Carter asked.

  I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest and my palms started sweating.

  We had another fight on Thursday, I wrote. Lies. I haven’t seen her since then. We’re broken up, remember?

  “You think she took off after your fight?” Carter asked as we started walking down the hall.

  I just shrugged. Hopefully my expression wasn’t too freaked out.

  I saw the way people stared at me as I made my way to Calculus. The whispers spread almost like a wave as I walked by. Everyone would know about this before the tardy bell rang for first period.

  Somehow I made it through my first class of the day. I had no idea what we were supposed to be learning, but somehow I survived the hour without having a total freak out. But as I walked to second period, everyone was staring at me as much as they did my first day back at school after the accident.

  I should have known Principal Hill would send them after me during ASL, the class that was supposed to be just me and Sam. I slowed as I got to the end of the building and saw two police officers and Principal Hill standing just inside the room.

  For a brief moment I considered just bolting. But how could that not look suspicious?

  Hoping none of them would hear my heart freaking out in my chest, I put on a blank face and walked into the classroom.

  “Jake,” Principal Hill nodded to me, his face serious. I wondered if Sam’s situation could get him into any kind of trouble. Teachers got a hard time for not noticing stuff like this. “Officers Blizen and Bennett need to ask you some questions about Samantha Shay.”

  Keeping my face as blank as I could, I nodded.

  The two officers indicated for me to sit in one of the desks. Seeing they had no intention of sitting themselves, I chose to stand. I leaned against one of the desks, my backpack still on, and crossed my arms over my chest.

  I saw them both eye my scars, unsure looks on their faces. Rolling my eyes, I swung my backpack to my front and pulled out a notebook and pen.

  “We understand that you’re… involved with Miss Shay?” Officer Bennett started. It was hard to take him seriously when most of the island saw him with the Oddfellows in the Solstice Day Parade costumed like a cross-dressing, thirteen-foot-tall clown.

  Were, I wrote.

  “I’m sorry?” he said, his face still so unsure looking, like I might melt if he spoke too harshly at me.

  We were… involved. We broke up last week. Ask anyone in the school.

  “Oh,” he stuttered. He shuffled some papers, looking totally lost. He kept glancing at my throat. It was amazing how some people just didn’t know how to handle communicating with people with disabilities.

  “May I ask what the reason was why you broke up?” Officer Blizen spoke up, saving Bennett. “It could be helpful in finding Samantha.”

  I hesitated, debating whether to lie. But it seemed simpler to tell the truth.

  She said something about me not being able to talk, I confessed. I freaked out and did something stupid with another girl.

  Let them think it was worse than it was. Should help my case.

  “And I can imagine Miss Shay was very upset about this whole situation?” Something about Officer Blizen’s questions seemed very routine. I had a feeling he wasn’t from the island. A homeless girl going missing wasn’t something that exactly happened very often on the island. It seemed like he should be a little more concerned like Officer Bennett.

  Yeah, I wrote. She was upset. We had a big fight Thursday.

  “And have you seen her since Thursday?” he asked, scribbling something down on a notepad.

  For a bit at school on Friday but that was the last time. Lie. How many more were to come?

  “Jacob, were you aware that Samantha was living on her own, even though she is a minor?” He turned his green eyes on me, his expression almost daring me to come up with something that wasn’t the truth.

  I hesitated for a second. Honestly I wasn’t quite sure what to say. Going either way could get me into a lot of trouble, more than I already was.

  Should I be talking to either of you without my parents here? Now it was my turn to give them a “look.”

  “They’ve been called, Jake,” Principal Hill said, his expression looking uncomfortable. I knew how my mom was going to react when she found out that Principal Hill had let the police question me before they got here. “Your parents should come any second.”

  Setting my notebook down flat on the desk, I crossed my arms over my chest, and stared Officer Blizen in the eye. I hoped he got the message that I was done talking for a while.

  But while I was giving him the stare down, I was panicking on the inside. It was one thing to lie to these officers, which was pretty freaking bad; it was another lying to my parents about the girl who had spent hours, and many a night under their roof, as practically a part of our family.

  It seemed like it took forever, but eventually my mom and dad walked through the doors of my classroom.

  “They’re already here?” Mom barely kept from yelling when she saw the officers in the room. “Tony, he’s just a kid!”

  “I am sorry, Jackie,” he said, looking embarrassed. “They wanted to move quickly on this case. I’m just concerned for Samantha.”

  Yeah, his best student in five years…

  “Is Samantha really missing?” Dad asked, folding his arms across his chest the exact same way I was.

  “Are you all aware as to Miss Shay’s living situation?” Officer Blizen asked them instead of answering Dad’s question.

  “What do you mean?” Mom asked, her brow furrowing.

  Crap. Here it comes.

  “She lives with her mom down Enchanted Forest Road,” Dad answered, his expression not quite as sure as I would have liked it to be.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Hayes,” Officer Blizen said, trying to sound patient. “Miss Shay’s mother passed away over the summer. Samantha has been living on her own somewhere on the island since about August.”

  The room got really quiet for a second. I refused to take my eyes from the police officer’s face, not daring to look and see how my parents were reacting.

  “I… I don’t understand,” Dad said, shifting his stance. “Samantha… Samantha’s been on her own for the last seven months? How… how is that possible? Don’t people like you step in when things like this happen?”

  I finally glanced at Mom. She had her eyes locked on the floor, a million thoughts running through her head as her lips made tiny movements. She was trying to piece it all together.

  The clues were all there if you knew to actually look.

  Officer Blizen finally looked
uncomfortable for the first time. “There was a miscommunication with social services as to who was to take custody of Samantha. Custody was granted to her grandparents, but almost the same day it was granted the grandfather had a heart attack and was soon moved to a long term care facility. Custody was then switched to Samantha’s father but apparently he never got word it had been switched. Samantha… fell through the cracks. It wasn’t until someone on the island told us they thought something was going on that we looked into it. No one on the island even knew that Samantha’s mother had died.”

  I glanced at Mom again. She had her fist pressed against her lips, a few tears streaking down her face.

  The back of my throat tightened in a way that had nothing to do with my muteness. My eyes dropped from Mom and glued themselves to the ground.

  “Jake,” Dad said, his voice firm. “Did you know about all of this?”

  I debated with myself for a second. But there was no possible way he would believe me if I said I didn’t. With as many hours as I supposedly spent at Sam’s house…

  I nodded my head.

  “Jake,” Mom said in a horrified gasp. “How could you not tell us about this? We could have helped her. That poor girl. She must have been terrified!”

  “So, Samantha’s missing?” Dad said. I was surprised to hear that he was holding back emotion in his voice.

  “Oh gosh,” Mom half moaned as she pressed her fist to her lips again and turned away from us all.

  “Samantha’s father has come back to the island to take her with him down to Auburn,” Officer Bennett finally spoke up again. “He has not been able to locate her yet. It appears her old house was sold before the mother died, and no one seems to know her current residence.”

  Mom gave another choked off sob.

  It felt like something in my chest cracked.

  I knew Mom felt guilty for not knowing. But Sam and I had made sure to keep it that way. Anything Mom was feeling right now was all my fault.

  “Everyone says Jacob and Samantha have been together for a few months now and that he’d be the one to know where she currently is.” Officer Blizen turned those cold eyes on me again.